


The Sun

by illyriantremors



Series: Shadowsinger: An Azriel/Moriel Fic [5]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, acomaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 03:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8040277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illyriantremors/pseuds/illyriantremors
Summary: Rhysand brings his cousin Morrigan to Lord Devlon's camp where Azriel and Cassian are introduced to her for the first time and both instantly smitten. Azriel is beyond scared to spend time with Morrigan, but finds a special way to connect with her apart from the other boys.





	The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Extreme fluff. So much fluff, it's a tad overkill. I'm least confident about this chapter out of the entire fic because I think it's the most out of character for Az, who is just an uber hopeless romantic here. But whatever. It's unrealistic probably, but that's why it's called fanfiction. Hope ya like!

_ And yet you understand, yeah like no one can. We both know what they say about us, but they don't stand a chance because when I'm with you - when I'm with you, I'm standing with an army. _

\- Ellie Goulding

* * *

I couldn’t actually see her. I was only vaguely aware of a bright light pulsing around the area where Rhysand and his mother stood talking. She was so luminous, I thought my skin might burn the longer I stood there gaping until I was nothing more than a breathe of air on the wind taking in her scent.

Honey.

She smelled like honey. And something else so rich and sweet, I would have to move closer to make it out.

But my legs were locked in place. My eyes began to make sense of the glow surrounding her and it dimmed. What I saw explained the light, explained  _ everything _ .

She wore the palest shade of plum, the pants running for miles over her legs until they hit the dirt around her shoes. The fabric climbed high on her waist connecting with every curve of her hips, her breasts, her squared shoulders before it disappeared to reveal the smooth length of her arms.

And her hair. Cauldron, damn me,  _ her hair _ . The gold flowed in waves off her back reflecting the sunlight to such a degree, I thought she was the sun itself. Even standing at a distance, my fingers curled wondering what it would feel like to run themselves through the threads of her.

And then I saw Rhys lean over and whisper something in her ear, his hand pointing lazily in the direction of myself and Cassian, and then the woman turned her head, her eyes catching mine, and she smiled.

It shattered me, that smile. It was joy and sunlight and warmth made manifest, as if the Heavens had taken the power of the sun and declared it too much for the universe, so they contained it within one individual to protect it forever and she was it. She was radiant beyond anything and my skin went slick with sweat in the realization that she was a new sensation, one I had never tasted nor even seen, and one that I craved to know  _ badly _ .

Rhys said something else and she gave him a beseeching look before skipping off with him, a bounce in her every step.

“Wow,” Cassian said next to me and if it hadn’t been for years of training drilled into me, I would have jumped. I’d forgotten he was even next to me. I looked at him and saw the lust written onto his face as he too stared after her. A stab of disappointment clanged into me.

It was worse meeting her in person. Made even more difficult by the fact that she was Rhysand’s cousin and staying with us for the next few weeks. As soon as we stepped through the door of our cabin and I saw her standing there with that easy smile that lit up her entire face, I knew I would never survive.

“Morrigan,” Rhys said gesturing to us. “This is Cassian and Azriel. Boys, meet my troublesome cousin, Morrigan.”

_ Morrigan _ .

The name swam circles in my head, answering a million questions I’d been asking for the greater part of a decade and leaving countless more in their wake. I could feel the darkness inside of me licking at every letter.

“You’ll have to excuse, Az, here,” Cassian said, slinging his arm around my shoulder as he took a handful of grapes off the table and popped one into his mouth. “The shadowsinging is just a shameless party trick.”

Embarrassment heated my face and it was an effort not to shrug him off of me. I hadn’t even realized the shadows were circling and I was suddenly so ashamed that she might see them, I willed them away.

“Oh no!” she said as if she saw what I was doing. “Please don’t! I rather like them. Gives you character.” She winked with a wicked gleam in her eye and I couldn’t say anything, too stunned she wasn’t shying away from me.

“You think everything adds character, Mor,” Rhys said flicking lint casually off his sleeve.

“Says the boy who called me merely ‘troublesome’,” Mor replied. “Just because  _ you _ have enough character to fill the Hewn City ten times over doesn’t mean other people can’t be interesting.”

Rhys pounded a fist against his chest, feigning hurt. “Enough to fill the Hewn City? That’s not saying much.”

“Does she really need to?” Cassian offered and Morrigan laughed. And when she did, it filled up every pore in the air until the loveliest harmony was left ringing in my too stupid ears. And I was suddenly extraordinarily jealous that Cassian had made that sound come out of her and not me. Even more so angry that I wasn’t yet capable of trying.

“Are you from the Hewn City?” I asked tentatively. Morrigan’s smile fell and with it went my confidence.

“Yes,” she said, her eyes, that I could now see up close were a deep, earthy brown, looked downward. “My father runs the Court of Nightmares for my dear cousin’s father. So difficult being High Lord,” she teased, catching Rhysand’s jaw and tugging it playfully and he cringed away, not unlovingly. “I’m afraid we’re a family of truth tellers trapped underneath that pesky mountain, only let out of our ugly, ugly cage to wander and fly once in a blue moon.”

She tried to smile again, but something about the way her lips tightened as she spoke and her eyes wandered the room told me there was pain behind that golden facade. And I wondered given what she’d said of the mountain, if she hadn’t been as trapped and lonely as I had always been.

“Well that’s depressing,” Cassian snapped, popping more grapes into his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” I said hastily. I could feel the shadows squirming all over me.

“It’s fine,” she said and grabbed my arm. The touch shocked me and I almost didn’t follow when she pulled me to the couch, pouring us each a huge glass of wine and shoving one into my hand. “Tell me more about the camps,” and it was a question for all of us. “I want to know  _ everything _ about what lurks outside the mountain.”

And so we told her. I was so relieved she didn’t instantly hate me for bringing up what she so clearly despised that I was content to let Rhys and Cassian do most of the talking. We told her how we’d all met, skipping over the murkier details, and told her how the camps worked.

The entire time, I kept catching her watching me in careful study. All I wanted to do was look at her, but knowing she would see it made me too reluctant to do it outright the way Cassian did. So I looked away most of the night from that smile that burned and ate away the shadows, and found myself cast into an entirely new kind of hell with the absence of her in my eyes.

And the longer the absence stretched, the more I felt the weight press in on my chest. The more Cassian flirted and she laughed back, the more defeated I felt. She avoided talking about her own life, but said enough about it - the status her birth held, perhaps an engagement with a powerful heir in another court - that I knew I could never have her.

It was ridiculous. I’d only just met her. I had no right to her even if I’d spent an eternity at her side. She was a divine being and I was dirt beneath her fingertips, forged from lies and lust in secret shame.

I excused myself for the night far earlier than either of my brothers, took a cold, cold shower, and went to bed.

* * *

I woke up three days later in the early hours of the morning while darkness still reigned over the beasts of the Illyrian mountains. I hadn’t spoken to Morrigan since meeting her, stopping only to make polite niceties when I saw her at breakfast before I’d hurry out and spend the day training every ounce of self-control I possessed until it ruled over me.

The rest of the house was still asleep. I could hear the deep breathes the bodies took in the other rooms behind Cassian’s heavy snores as I laced up my shoes, threw a light pair of pants and a shirt on and headed outside.

The air bit at my face, bitter and chilling, but this was the one time I enjoyed the cold. When I ran, I felt like I was chasing the warmth I had always craved and when my body had worked up enough sweat from making it work against the ground and the elements, some of that heat almost felt within reach.

I liked the sensation of it, the possibility of obtaining what I wanted on my own, my body grinding until it was spent. Flying would always be my first love and a freedom I craved, but running cleared my head in a way that my wings couldn’t, chaining me back to the earth lest I forget where I came from or how hard I had to fight just to live.

I made for the trees hiking a trail I was so familiar with I could have run it blind easily. The scent of pine tickled my nose and I breathed a deep sigh that sent the shadows running out into the wood. I found I enjoyed watching them scatter so and coming blazing back for me on the mist.

The morning runs had become a staple for me over the years when I was too upset to talk and fighting in the rings didn’t work. My lungs cried out each time as they stretched with the morning air. My muscles merrily agreed.

Ahead of me a few miles from camp, the trees thinned out and opened onto a narrow cliffside overlooking a vast lake. It was my favorite place to be alone and think. I never mentioned to it to Cassian and Rhysand because it felt like my personal secret to guard, but sometimes I thought they knew anyway and simply let me be.

I was so caught up thinking about it that I almost didn’t hear the shadows warn me I wouldn’t be alone until they were practically screaming in my ear. I slowed my pace and stopped dead in my tracks as I realized Morrigan was sitting on the very farthest edge of the cliff staring into the distance.

Her fingers gripped the edge tightly almost like she wanted to push herself farther - not to fall off, but only to move closer to the oncoming sun starting to peak in the distance, but knew she couldn’t reach. I stood for far too long at the lining of the trees just watching her watch the world. With each new swirl of color on the horizon, her face illuminated until she was shining with a vibrancy to match it. You’d have thought she’d never left that mountain the way her gaze latched on to every fresh stroke of paint. The awe on her face, it opened something in me that was still and peaceful, foreign to my being.

I was half a heartbeat away from turning around and running back to camp, but staring wasn’t enough and I couldn’t stay away. Seeing her sitting like that made the three days I had denied myself feel like a wasted misery and I had to know more even if I could never feel worthy just to be in her company.

So I moved forward hoping I might steal some of that vivacious joy so effortless to her. There was so much brightness in her, I half-hoped it would blot out the stain of my existence.

I shuffled forward, clearing my throat and making enough noise that I wouldn’t startle her. Her head turned at the noise and when she caught my eye, her mouth formed a surprised  _ O _ , but then she smiled and her eyes twinkled with the morning light.

“Azriel,” she said reverently and it was the first time someone new took me by my name alone. Not the little boy who couldn’t be bothered with. Not Shadowsinger. Just _ Azriel _ .

“Morrigan,” I said, acknowledging her in return as I sat beside her. She smirked.

“I thought you hated me,” she said. “And yet, here you are following me in the middle of the night.”

“It’s not technically night anymore,” I replied, keeping my eyes firmly on the sunrise lest I perish in her fire. “And for the record, I didn’t follow you, and I never  _ hated _ you.”

“Oh so there’s a little fight in you after all. Who knew?” She scooted back so she was more safely sat on the ledge and tucked her knees against her chest. “If you didn’t follow me, then what are you doing here?”

“I didn’t know anyone else knew about this place. I come here because it’s quiet.”

“How often?”

“Every day.”

She nodded, considering my words. Then she asked hesitantly, “Is it because of…  _ them _ ?”

A hiss snaked through my ear, disapproving and I realized she meant the shadows. Fear coiled within me that Morrigan would back away at them, but she didn’t so much as flinch when she stared them down directly. “No,” I said all too quickly. “Sometimes, but mostly it just helps me clear the air. The camps can be a handful.”

She snorted. “I’m sure my cousin doesn't help much with that. Cassian either, by the sound of him.”

“No,” I said, almost chuckling. “They don’t, but they make it bearable at the same time, so I’ll tolerate it.” She hummed in understanding, a peaceful look on her face as she leaned her head back, eyes closed to soak it all in. “So why are you here? What brings the truth-teller to the harsh Illyrian Mountains?”

“The truth?”

“I hear you’re good for it.”

A chuckle. “Well if it’s the truth you want then I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed because it’s not very pretty.” She paused and when I didn’t say anything, she opened one eye and appraised me. “Oh all right,” she said, sitting back up and resuming her watch of the skies. “The truth is my family is monstrous and my father even worse, and now that I’m… eligible, he has me betrothed to the absolute scum of the earth in the Autumn Court and I can’t stand it.” She was quiet for a long time before she admitted, “We’re supposed to marry in a few months and I’ll trade one horror in for another. Sometimes I think I might die just thinking about it.”

A weight sank low in the pit of my stomach. “Does Rhys know?”

“Rhys is the one who suggested bringing me here as a favor to me. He had to beg his father to agree to it and even then, it took some convincing on the part of his mother. What I wouldn’t give to stay, but…”

“But you can’t,” I said, simple fact.

She turned her head to look at me and in her eyes there grew a softness. A softness that melted the edges harboring my soul and said  _ I know you. And I know you know me too. You know my fear. _

Perhaps I was right. Perhaps we weren’t so different. Two separate entities seeking solace from the light and dark in all the wrong places only to wind up sitting on a cliff next to each other, our dreams in one direction towards the skies and our destiny in the other on the ground.

“I’m petrified,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I’m not afraid of what they’ll do to me - to my… body. But when I think that I might lose all of this,” and she gestured towards the nature surrounding us, “I can feel my soul cleave in two. I want to live. I want to chase something more than my family’s blood money. Rhys is going to build a Court of Dreams some day and I… I want to be part of it.”

As she spoke, some little insignificant piece of myself that I never knew existed swam up to the surface of me only to splinter cruelly in a mockery of how Morrigan had come into my life: suddenly, all at once, and then soon not at all. It was a fate worse than death in her eyes to be taken away and sold like property. I knew that feeling of irreparable uselessness and captivity all too well. The idea that someone with such idealism brewing in her, such wildness roaming beneath the chains trying to get free, being bound forever broke my heart.

“If I could find a way to stop you from marrying him and get you out of the mountain, I would,” I said and I meant it. Despite not knowing Morrigan, despite knowing next to  _ nothing _ about her, I was ready to follow her to the cliffs of the world and dive off if it was what she needed to stay bright and burning. “No one should have their dreams taken away, Morrigan. No one should be locked up and made to suffer however they’re told. I’ve sung that song one too many times and it’s not worth it. But freedom is.”

For a moment, she looked as though she might say something, but changed her mind at the last second. Sadness took its place in her eyes, so thoughtful and still. Brown - they were so damned beautiful, her eyes - this perfect collision of browns and golds like a smattering of stars smeared across the night sky.

“Hmm,” she hummed low in her throat, a melancholy melody. “I like you, Azriel. I’m glad I was wrong. I’m glad you don’t hate me.” The corners of her lips twitched in a small smile before she turned back to the skies and cried out with a loud, “ _ Oh!” _ Her hand slapped against my own sending a sizzle of electricity over my skin.

“There it is!” she said, the words breathing in and out of her as she watched the sun complete its ascent into the sky, now fully formed and whole. Her entire being came alive at the sight. Her hair glittered as she bounced up and down in her giddiness, her free hand waving ecstatically. She grabbed my arm and leaned in to me and when her head rested on my shoulder, I realized what the other scent I’d missed that first day was: honey and  _ chocolate _ .

The scent drove me mad. I shifted my head a fraction of an inch closer that I might drink in the sweetness that much more. My eyes closed slowly and I stilled my chest as much as I could to keep her from noticing the deep inhale my lungs pushed against my chest to make as I scented her.

No matter what they did to her, no matter what her family imposed or her betrothed ruled, Morrigan was a queen who would level the world some day.

“I think it’s the most glorious thing I’ve ever seen,” she said even while I thought the same about her. “When they flew me here, I was so happy to be out from that blasted mountain, I thought I could have stayed up in those skies forever. I was so sad when Rhys put me down.”

An idea struck me and I was so certain she’d say yes that even while I was terrified to ask, I did it anyway. “Would you… do you want to…” I gestured vaguely with the arm she wasn’t clinging to and pointed at the skies. “I could take you, if you wanted.”

Her head snapped up to look at me, eyes grown wide with adventure and delight. “What, take me flying with you?” I nodded. “You would do that? For me?” She seemed genuinely surprised, but every bit delighted.

And it was a foolish question, really, that she asked me. I scooped her into my arms, my body tightening in fear that she would recoil from the touch of my marred and disfigured hands. I almost stepped back to apologize for even thinking I could touch her like this, but she grabbed my hand instantly, sending warm wonderful tendrils of acceptance radiating over my skin.

And that’s when I knew that I would do anything for this woman. One look at her and the piece of me that had been cold and lonely, always searching for the warmth no one had shown me, had finally found the match. And her smile lit that match sparking my soul until it was a mile high with flame and life.

“Ready?” I asked and when she bit her lower lip before nodding, my knees went weak and trembled. Three days was all it took and I was entirely undone.

I took off, shooting straight up into the sky until we were climbing higher, higher, higher. She grabbed furiously for me, digging her head into my shoulder with a wild cry, but it wasn’t fearful. It was wicked and enchanted and ready for the world. I laughed rich and full, unsure I’d ever made such a sound before now. “Look up,” I whispered into her ear and glided us into a smooth even flight.

I watched her eyes the entire time. The way they danced looking at the trees and lakes below. The way they crinkled when she smiled. The way they caught the sunlight at just the right angle and became two glimmering beacons of strength to my heart. The way they poured into me beaming in gratitude every time she spared a thought for me and looked my way.

We flew for hours that morning and though she continued to flirt with Cassian in the afternoons and make a mockery of Rhysand wherever he went - even challenging him in the fighting rings - she continued to meet me, morning after morning whether for an endless flight through the skies or just to sit and talk.

And each time we met, my soul dripped out of me in a constant stream until she knew me just as well as Rhys and Cassian did. It was easy to tell her everything. And for once, pity wasn’t the reaction I received in exchange for my story. Morrigan took in every word I told her and returned only the grimmest understanding and acceptance offering whatever comfort she could. I returned as much of it back as I could as she told me about the horrors awaiting her in the Autumn Court.

By the time her last few days with us came and I was agreed to go with Rhysand and his mother to visit the Hewn City where she would be returning soon, I didn’t care that I only had precious hours left with her or that Cassian would be honored with her company while we were away. I didn’t even care that she was betrothed to someone else she hated, though I wished desperately I could take that future away from her even if I couldn’t ever fill its place. Just so long as we had those mornings and time in the sky, I knew I would love her always.

If she was the sun, then I would be a moon content to orbit her until the universe stood still.

xx


End file.
